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o clear within me, that I was living according to them all the time,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], and I was astonished and rejoiced, when the peasant expressed it to me: to live for God, for my soul. `I have discovered nothing. I have only found out what I knew. I understand the force that in the past gave me life, and now too gives me life. I have been set free from falsity,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], I have found the Master.' And he briefly went through, mentally, the whole course of his ideas during the last two years, the beginning of which was the clear confronting of death at the sight of his dear brother hopelessly ill. Then, for the first time, grasping that for every man,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], and himself too, there was nothing in store but suffering, death and eternal oblivion, he had made up his mind that life was impossible like that, and that he must either interpret life so that it would not present itself to him as the evil jest of some devil, or else shoot himself. But he had not done either, but had gone on living, thinking, and feeling, and had even at that very time married, and had had many joys, and had been happy,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], when he was not thinking of the meaning of his life. What did this mean? It meant that he had been living rightly, but thinking wrongly. He had lived (without being aware of it) on those spiritual truths that he had sucked in with his mother's milk, but he had thought, not merely without recognition of these truths, but studiously ignoring them. Now it was clear to him that he could live only by virtue of the beliefs in
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